“911 what’s your emergency?”
“Well, I don’t…honey, IS this an emergency?”
“Sir?”
“What? Oh, yeah, I’m here I just…
“Sir this is an emergency line-”
“I know, and that’s what I said but my wife- Margaret, be quiet, you said call so I called but I can’t talk if you-”
“Sir what is your emergency?”
“See, like I said- fine, my wife found a dead body and-”
“Your wife found a what?”
“A dead body, and I just-”
“Where did your wife find the dead body, sir?”
“On our, well, kind of in between our driveway and our front porch. We have this kind of a walkway, which I’ve never been happy with-”
“Sir do you recognize the body?”
“What? No it’s-”
“Does it seem as though the body died naturally or-”
“Oh no, there is a ton of blood. I guess I should say it was bodies, really.”
“Did you say bodies, sir?”
“Yeah, there are like…honey how many are in there? Like twelve? That’s why I said ‘Like twelve’ Margaret. This is not the time for Math Maggie, ok-”
“Am I hearing you correctly sir, twelve bodies?”
“Like twelve, yeah. It’s hard to count- you kind of have to guess which parts sort of go with what, y’know?”
“No sir I don’t know, what do you mean?”
“Well they’re all…what’s the word…chopped up, but there’s a better-dismembered! That’s it, thank you honey. Dismembered. They’re dismembered, so it’s hard to tell exactly how many. We’re really just looking in the bag and guessing based on arm count-”
“Bag, sir?”
“Yeah, it’s a big bag of bodies. Like I said, full of blood. By the way, this might not be the time but maybe you know- how do you get blood out of- OK Margaret, I was just asking. I’d argue it’s more likely she knows than Carol and-”
“Sir I’m going to need you to focus on me.”
“Sorry, go ahead.”
“Sir are you reporting that you found a bag containing twelve dismembered bodies on your driveway?
“Not really on the driveway, see, that’s what I mean about that little walkway. What is it? I don’t like things that don’t have names, is all…”
“Sir.”
“Oh, right, focus. Yeah, basically the driveway.”
“Ok sir, we’re going to send someone out, please leave the bag alone and-”
“Wait, in the house?”
“I thought you said the bag was in the driveway.”
“Ok first of all- not exactly because again-”
“Sir!”
“Right, right- and second it was but my wife brought it inside.”
“Your wife?”
“Yes. She wasn’t sure what it was-”
“You said there were twelve bodies?”
“Roundabout, yeah.”
“How did your wife carry them inside?”
“Well they’re small bodies.”
“Sir, are you saying they’re children?”
“See, we’ve been arguing about that literally this entire day. No, I’d say they’re full grown, but my wife says yeah, little ones. I mean, really, how can you tell? They could just be a small breed.”
“Breed?”
“Sure. Some of those breeds are pretty small. Siamese and the like.”
“Are you saying you found a bag of Siamese-”
“Well no, I’m pretty sure they aren’t Siamese. I’m just saying some breeds are pretty small-”
“Sir could you stop saying breeds?”
“I…suppose. Words are kind of what I do, but if you’ve got a better word-”
“Just people, sir.”
“Oh, these aren’t people.”
“Sir!”
“What?”
“You have a bag of dismembered dead bodies in your house- the least you can do is show the people some respect-”
“But they aren’t people they’re-
“Sir!”
“I think I see the problem here.”
“So do I sir. Just stay home. Someone will be by to investigate those people’s deaths and-”
“They’re cats.”
“Cats?”
“Yeah, it’s a bag of dead cats, all chopped up.”
“Goodbye sir.” *click*
“Hello? Hello? See Margaret, I told you it wasn’t an-” *click*
