Bill.

You’re not gonna believe this. I found envelopes and a book of stamps. Wild. Some lady left her purse in her car while I was getting gas and it was right there underneath her wallet when I took it. What’re you doing with stamps? Crazy, right? Anyway.

I went to Dubois. Duh. Sound of wind for three hours but I got to imagine the glory that would be the Jetpack concert. I decided I think they’re probably more of a pyschedelic revival and so I just sort of hummed along with how that seemed to me like it would sound. I felt like that prepared me.

Then disaster struck.

Dad called me, and obviously I wasn’t gonna pick up so I threw my phone out the window and then realized that was probably not the best idea so I swung around on the highway and some jackass going the other way honked at me so hard I panicked and had to pull over. Yeah. I know.

Anyway so I’m sitting there minding my own business when a cop pulls over and gets up in my shit. Asking me if I’ve been drinking. Look, I’m forty years old: I can drink if I want, and I told him before I spat in his face. Then he pulls out the cuffs and drags me out of the car and basically begs me to sue him, which I will as long as dad says I can use Mr. Larry.

Then he took me to jail, which was ridiculous, and kept me overnight, and I had to leave my car and the envelopes and my new wallet just in there where anyone could get them and what’s worse, it was a one-night gig for Jetpack! So I missed ’em again.

When they finally let me go they gave me a ticket and told me to watch for a summons but the address on my DL is that apartment from my post high-school pre-freshman year gap half-decade so fuckin’ jokes on them and I just skated out of there. Not literally, my board’s at home.

So now I’m lost the next morning in a city I don’t know, wandering outside the courthouse, and I had to threaten a guy just to get him to take me back to my car. Stupid.

So anyway. We got back to my car and I found my phone but it was dead so, y’know, I just left it there and hooked around and headed back into DuBois.

Which, that was a problem, because I’d been going there for HJ and now I had no reason to be there anymore but where was I gonna go? To the bank? No thanks. I’ve got better shit to do. I went and found the venue and there was nobody there so I broke the back door and went in to see if I could find like a poster or something and I actually found the whole list of venues behind the bar where the good liquor was. Good thing I was thirsty.

So anyway now I’m gonna have to go to Wilson, which should be interesting because that’s where that guy and that girl live from when I smashed the tail light with a baseball bat, and he works the desk at the hotel there if his Instagram is still current. I bet he won’t recognize me.

Outtie bro!

Willy D